Book 4 for Dummies
by The Winter Wizard
Summary: A parody and spoof on all the chessy, cliche, and typical Book 4 fanfics that are out there. No offence is at all intended by making this fanfic!


**Disclaimer:** I do not believe in slavery, so naturally I don't own Eragon or the Inheritance Cycle thank you very much!

**Author's Note:** Here I am with another parody. Don't know quite where I came up with this idea but it's just that there are so many intense Book 4's out there that I decided to pull a spoof on them. Hope you guys don't mind, as this is just for fun and to cast some humour on the IC. So without any further ado, I present you my latest parody!

**BOOK 4 FOR DUMMIES **(no offence anyone)

**Chapter 1:** Eragon wakes up. He eats, bathes, talks with Saphira and shares a cute AxE moment with Arya. Jarsha calls them for a meeting with Nasuada and they agree to go for a war council they already had at the end of _Brisingr_ (Book 3)

**Chapter 2:** The War Council takes place and they drone on and on about boring strategy and how boring Nasuada is. Eragon and Arya share a guarded smile and usually converse using telepathy and share some private joke. The Elf-Queen-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named-Because-Her-Name-Is-Hard-To-Spell scries them and summons Eragon and Arya to Oromis's ceremony, forget what it's called

**Chapter 3:** Roran talks with Eragon and teases him about Arya who happens to arrive then and has a perfect happy time with the other villagers who have never met the elf before but are best friends even though Arya never displays _any_ emotions. Eragon and Arya pack things and go dutifully to the elves with Saphira

**Chapter 4:** The elves have another boring ceremony and burn Oromis's body or bury it. We get some more AxE which The Elf-Queen-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named-Because-Her-Name-Is-Hard-To-Spell is obviously not pleased about. Some random/perfect/OC/Mary Sue/female elf warrior shows up and flirts with Eragon who is surprisingly and unexpectedly mature and resists her efforts. Arya is surprised and falls in love with Eragon

**Chapter 5: **If Eragon and Arya haven't already shagged each other silly in Chapter 1 they will soon for evil traitor Murtagh (sometimes good) shows up with Thorn who is miraculously healed and good as new. Here the story deviates and splits into two paths.

Murtagh and Thorn turn good and Eragon and everyone else quickly forgets about their revenge. Murtagh and Thorn easily come with the last dragon egg in all the land and hundreds of Eldunarya and become good guys again with no resistance of the elves or Varden who count them as traitors. Murtagh teases Eragon about Arya

_**Or**_

Murtagh and Eragon have a fight in which Eragon totally thrashes Murtagh even though he lost poorly with him prior and barely made it out alive. Nonetheless, he ignores that Murtagh was his friend and is his half brother and slaughters him. Murtagh is very evil and dies quickly, with Eragon hailed as a hero. Arya then kisses Eragon and they quickly run off to the tent to shag

**Chapter 6:** Eragon and Arya and Saphira return to the Varden with Arya as a couple. It is revealed that there are secret passageways in Uru'Baen even though there were none before otherwise the city would have been easily reclaimed by the elves and the trio leave with that trader guy from Drass-Leona (forgot his name) to go rescue the dragon egg if they haven't gotten it already

**Chapter 7: **Meanwhile, Nasuada teams up with The Elf-Queen-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named-Because-Her-Name-Is-Hard-To-Spell and they easily attack all the other cities, carving their way to Uru'Baen

**Chapter 8: **Eragon shares some nice AxE moments with Arya and they have many typical and similar adventures such as fighting Empire scouting parties, evil magicians, and some creepy creations of Galbatorix. Of course, they win every time and arrive at Uru'Baen in like three days.

**Chapter 9:** Arya and Eragon share some heated AxE moments before the battle and then make their plan and enter the city. Meanwhile, Nassy and The Elf-Queen-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named-Because-Her-Name-Is-Hard-To-Spell's army reach Uru'Baen somehow at the exact time and lay siege to it. Galbatorix retaliates with his own army but doesn't show up until just the right time

**Chapter 10:** Eragon and gang escape many traps in the secret tunnels and make it to the throne room in no time. I almost forgot, Arya undoubtedly becomes the Green Rider and has an instant change of heart, soul, mind and character becoming the perfect girl who laughs at all the jokes and entrances Eragon with her womanly ways. She's still the perfect warrior and sometimes fights whole armies even though she's pregnant with twins

**Chapter 11:** The long-awaited battle with the king! *insert epic soundtrack here* Galbatorix drones on and on about how he's so awesome and how Eragon's an epic fail which he kind of is. Eragon retaliates with a loser speech of his own and the battle begins

**Chapter 12:** Eragon and Galby have an epic fight in front of all the gathered armies who plop down on their arm chairs and watch said battle eating popcorn and drinking coke. Galby totally thrashes Eragon who is about to die but is only then rescued by Arya who beats the stuffing out of Galby. Eragon is then healed and kills the evil king getting a kiss from the princess, everyone cheers

**Chapter 13:** The Elf-Queen-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named-Because-Her-Name-Is-Hard-To-Spell is probably dead by now but if not, she commends Eragon on his courage and allows him to be with Arya who he promptly marries and has 10 kids with despite the fact that it's very rare for an elf couple to have kids let alone get married.

**Chapter 14:** Roran and Katrina become king and queen even though they are poor farmers and rebels. Everyone loves them and the land is at peace. Nasuada gives up her leadership if she hasn't been killed off and (if Murty is alive) runs off with Murtagh.

**Chapter 15:** Even though there are no dragons in Alagaësia and to resurrect their race would mean incest, Saphira and Thorn get together and have a couple dozen kids resulting in many more Dragon Riders for Eragon and Arya to train. They live happily ever after and the land is at peace

**The End!**

**A/N:** Well, that started out a little differently than I wanted it to but it's okay in the end. However, I don't want you Book 4 writers to get upset at me as I mean no offence by the writing of this fanfic. It is merely a spoof because there are so many similar, cliché, and cheesy Book 4's that it's getting very sad and depressing. I wonder what's left for Christopher Paolini to write in _his_ Book 4 since everyone wrote what little he had left to write a year and a half ago. Oh, well. Here's another parody of mine and a couple more are on the way.

So stay tuned!


End file.
